What is going on?

Having missed volunteering last week at TAE due to knee surgery, I have been thinking about other things going on in my life. After speaking with James more about spirituality and living more through God, it made me want to regain my faith back.  I haven't gone to church in over 4 years but decided to try it out again.  That wasn't the only reason I decided to go however....
Recently, I received the news that a classmate of mine who I went to high school with and hadn't talked to for a while, killed himself.  It was a huge shock to our whole town, however, it is not anything new here.  In the past three years, Lake Orion has lost over ten of its grads to suicide and all within three years of age.  It disturbs me, especially because Ryan, and every other person who's committed suicide seemed like the happiest and most outgoing people who had so much going for them.  The thing I remember most about Ryan was his lovely, radiant smile. He truly was one of the nicest, most genuine guys I've ever met.  He had been struggling with a drug addiction and admitted himself to rehab, but the past few months were too rough on him, he felt alone and couldn't bear the pain any longer.  


I attended his funeral, listened to the pastor talk about this pain that no one, no matter how much they wanted to help him, could heal.  He was alone and no one could make him feel whole again.  I sat behind his family and watched them wrap their arms around each other, still too in shock to realize what was going on, and what their future would be like without their only son and only big brother.  I cried as my friends from school that I grew up stood up at the alter and cried like little babies, hugging each other as they reminisced their times with Ryan. All I could ask is WHY? WHY would such a loving, caring, happy person do this? What would drive them to the point of taking their own life.  It is a question I don't think I will ever understand and so that is why I've started going to church again...so that I don't have to know the answers to every unanswered question and instead can let someone up above lead me in the right direction.  


Not only did this make me want to regain my faith, but it also opened my eyes to helping those through art who feel alone. I want to prevent this from happening in the future, I want to help those who are in pain deal with their emotions by expressing themselves through art.  In Ryan's memory and all of those who have been lost before him in these past few years, I want to bring light to this sick darkness and let those who are in the dark know that they are not alone and there is hope.